I figured its time to explain why such a long pause in the blog and everything else. My dear Grandmother is very ill and it doesn't look good. She is holding on with all her might. A lot of us would have given up by now, but it seams that this woman is made of steel. She never wanted much out of life, just not to die alone. That I can do.
One cold evening, I was feeling a little bit nostalgic and decided to look through some of my old photos; old meaning baby pictures (missing my mom). I came across a series of photos my mom took of me on a beach where I was running free of care and with endless possibilities in my mind. Funny thing is, I don't remember much from my childhood but for some reason this day stuck. There were seagulls flying around, sand rubbing between my toes and very, very cold Baltyk water. I remember running as fast as I could, trying to mimic the flying seagulls and I swear I almost took off. That little flash back got me wondering why I don't do that any more. See, I think a lot of us think about what people might think and they probably would say "oooh, there definitely is some mental disorder". Well to hell with consequences I say, care free thinking can open up a world of possibilities. So this is the flight plan; get an idea and run with it, most of the time it will not succeed but one of these days there will be lift off and feet will not touch the ground again.
I used to believe in fate and destiny, but that has changed. While working on this painting I started exploring the meaning of the word and the philosophy behind it. I arrived at this conclusion: If fate is real then you don’t have free will, whatever you decide doesn't matter, you end up in the place that was set for you any way (Why bother getting up in the morning).
People use the cliche "it was fate that brought me here". If we are free to decide on life's direction, it is not fate or destiny that determined the outcome, but the history we created that brought us to our current place in time.
So free will wouldn't exist if it was all up to fate. Bottom line is take what life gives you, learn from it, embrace it and you will be where you want to be.
Here is a little run down on the symbolism in this painting;
The hands symbolize giving and taking / hands of fate the sublime marionettes. The egg is birth/ new life. The key - a way to knowledge, the lock symbolizes unanswered questions and you need both of them for understanding. The clock? not much explanation needed there. Tomato is maturity, ripeness, growth, and harvest (and I was hungry at that moment, when I was painting the piece!).
Although fate has definite female characteristics, the hands in this painting are male personification of fate because the world is still ruled by men.
The strings are loosely tied and thin therefore accessible. Architecture behind is a coliseum like construction, bringing to mind a marionette production.
Therefore for me, the key to life has become not accepting fate as an attitude of resignation or submissive position in existence, but rather accepting life as a path marked by the choices I've made that have led me to where I am, and where I want to be.
48" x 48" plaster and oil on canvas. "Once you get there, it’s not fate or destiny it is history." I.D.
I am very happy about this publication, came out great !!!! Special thanks to Judy Mead for pushing and believing in me, and Vicki Heritage for her remarkable ability to understand what goes on in my head (a very hard thing to do).
New one in the works !!! it's 48" x 48".... Can't give away any more or it will spoil the grand finally. This is the, can't sleep, can't eat kind of a piece, an intoxicating endeavour. Wish every day could be like this !!!
• Self-condemnation, shame, remorse, regret, contrition maybe innocence.
Torn between the obligation to my work and the obligation to my grandma. Conflict without borders. See it takes two different mind sets to do one or the other, they can't coexist. It's one or the other - What would you do? Since most of my work is about what happens in life I have taken my emotions and transformed them in to this painting. No textures, no polished finishes, just paint and canvas. It only needs one explanation, the decision to use a male model - In all thats happening I have noticed that I am the only female (functioning female) that is left in the immediate family, that is when I decided to morph in to a man.
So far this painting has no name.
I believe in the Magic of Creation... this is my world, where ideas are born and their journeys tell the final story. The good, the bad, the happy and sad, just plain old crazy.